Well as soon as I write down the things that are on my mind they seem pointless, incoherent and boring but brain activity and wanders of the mind are very hard to capture in words if you ask me.
This is a diary of me writing my thoughts down. I just realized that, well actually, realized again, that I am restless because I don’t know what I want of life. And also, I don’t know what to do. Well, I do know what to do, as I know the things I like: art, music, philosophy, talking to people, smiling, dancing, eating food, being lazy, dreaming, sunny days, and the list goes on. Cliché. The thing is that it’s not so easy to live everyday doing the things that I want to do. I feel caged like as if I am a bird in a cage, I can not get out of the life I am supposed to live because everyone is living it. No, wrong formulation. A life everyone is living because we need money and it is just a common thing to do. And I do understand this and I wish I could be content living this life but I just cannot find any fulfillment by only going to school, university, getting a job, getting married, getting kids, die. I took a year off to work abroad last year and it made me feel free. But I have to admit that at the end of the year I began to feel uncomfortable, feeling a desperate urge to start something completely different. And doing so gives me temporarily pleasure, but only for a limited time. For some reason I still don’t know what keeps my attention and not gets me bored. Also, I have to admit I find it hard to actually know what I like. Some days I am convinced I want to study philosophy and then the next month I don’t know if I like it that much. I am very uncertain of everything in my life.
There is no paragraphing or any structure in my thoughts anyway.